Archive for the ‘General’ Category

Rosalind Wiseman’s ParentMap Lecture

10:27AM   April 23rd, 2015

Last night I was able to attend Rosalind Wiseman’s lecture on Cliques, Bullies, and Social Hierarchies. First of all–wow. This woman is an incredible speaker with so much wisdom to share. You probably know Rosalind from her popular books Queenbees and Wannabes or Masterminds and Wingmen. If you’re not familiar with those books, check them out! I walked away last night with my head full of thoughts and energy.


I shared with staff this morning some of the things that stood out to me from her talk, and thought I would share it with you as well.


We have a credibility problem with kids. 

  • We need to be role models of for kids in standing up and speaking the truth, even when it’s uncomfortable or creates conflict. When kids see us ignore another parent who is acting disrespectfully at a soccer game, or tuning out inappropriate comments made by a group of teens, they are learning something from us. Is that what we want them to learn?
Responding to kid’s conflicts. 
  • If you hear the voice in your head that goes something like “Oh, well, I’m gonna go down to that school and I’m gonna…” you need to take a break–that’s not the place to parent from. Start with empathy and sincere thanks for child sharing this with you. Work with the child to help them make a plan for helping them feel better/work towards resolution (even if it means bringing in help). Keep the focus on your own child’s well-being and safety, not about the punishment of the other child who was in conflict with yours.
  • Rosalind talked about how dangerous gossip is and how it can tear apart communities. Gossip affects our ability to have real, engaged conversations. She urged all the parents in the room to instead of ignoring, getting angry about, or continuing gossip about a student who has made poor choices to say: “Wow. That sounds really tough for that kid. What do you think we can do to help him?”
Three kinds of teasing
  • Bonding teasing: no one feels put down or bad
  • Annoying teasing: the teaser doesn’t realize the impact the teasing is making on the person being teased
  • Malicious teasing: teaser is picking on insecurities, is threatening to end the friendship, it is relentless & public
Boys vs. Girls
  • Don’t say “girls are difficult” and “boys are easy and simple.” Both boys and girls have important, complicated emotional lives.
  • Body image: We often think about the messages that girls are receiving about body image in the media, but what about boys? We give boys costumes of Batman with huge built-in muscles and six packs–what messages are we sending to boys?
These are just some of the helpful pieces of insight Rosalind offered. Check out her books or make a point to see her speak next time she’s in town!


Growing Greatly!

10:13AM   April 21st, 2015

Looking for a fun summer camp for your daughter? I will be hosting a half-day Villa Ventures camp focused on building girls’ self-esteem and confidence. Here’s a link to more information!

Prayers for Marysville Pilchuck High

2:07PM   October 24th, 2014

Dear Villa Families,

Today my thoughts and prayers are with our community, and especially those directly impacted by the school shooting at Marysville Pilchuck High School. It is impossible to process events like these, and they can make us feel sad, confused, angry, and overwhelmed–among other things.

As adults, as we process, there is also the importance of knowing that is is likely your child may be exposed to some information about the shooting. This may come through social media, watching the news, or overhearing a conversation. Children of all ages may be impacted. The following is some information on how to provide information to children, when appropriate, following traumatic events.


Providing Information to Children after Traumatic World Events

Jen Gutzmer, MA, LMHC

When sudden, traumatic, and shocking events occur in the world we may be unsure of how to share information with children. There may be questions about what to share, how much is age-appropriate, and how to answer the inevitable questions that will follow.

Why should I share this information with my child?

By sharing information with your child, you are able to help define facts, answer questions, and assist your child in coping with the knowledge of the events that have transpired. You continue to demonstrate that you are a trusted source of information and that you are available to discuss even the most difficult of things. Your child is also reminded that although they may have heard the news through school, social media, or other sources, that you believe it is important enough to have a direct conversation with them about it.

Where do I begin?

It can be overwhelming to know where to begin when a sudden event has occurred. As adults, we often struggle with the events that have taken place, so it makes sense that it would challenging to translate this into age-appropriate information. The first place to begin is with yourself. Take a moment to process what has happened and to feel the feelings associated with that. You might feel angry, sad, fearful, confused, or worried. Give yourself the time to take care of yourself in the moment and to get extra support if you need it.

What do I tell my child?

When determining what to share with your child or teen, consider what you believe he or she needs to know. This will likely be specific facts of what occurred, such as the location, the event, the result, and what is happening right now. Each of these can be tailored to your child’s age.

Example: “You might have heard about this before already, but I want to tell you what I know and then try to answer the questions you have. Today we learned that there was a sad, unexpected event in [place]. While all of the information is unclear at this time and the authorities continue to learn more, we do know that [facts of the event]. Unfortunately that means that [impact of the event, such as injuries or fatalities]. Right now there is an investigation happening and [how those impacted are being helped].

Remember that you do not need to know everything to provide information to your child. Because there is often much speculation and uncertainty around sudden events, consider reminding your child that while there is some information now, more information will be learned more over the coming days.

After sharing the facts, what do I say?

After providing your child with the factual information, assure your child that while more information is being gathered about the event there are safety plans and precautions in place to help protect those impacted. It is also helpful to assure your child about the ways that you and other important people help to protect your local community.

Ask your child what further questions they have. This allows your child to set the pace for additional information that they believe they need to know. It is possible you might not know the answers to their questions, and it is okay to say so. Ask your child if it would feel helpful to talk about the events again when you know more information. Respect your child’s decisions and remind them how they can get support when they need it.

Now what?

Continue to serve as a role model to your child for how to respond to these events. This may mean being open about your own feelings about the event and encouraging your child to share with you about their feelings. Model ways of caring for yourself and help your child to do the same. Consider limiting exposure to media coverage of the events and instead keep an open dialogue available for your child.

What resources are available to my child and family?

Jen Gutzmer, Villa Academy School Counselor, can be reached at (206) 729-0219, ext. 249 or via email at

Providence Hospice of Seattle: Safe Crossings – (206) 320-4000

National Child Traumatic Stress Network -


Third Thursday: Middle School Edition

12:56PM   October 9th, 2014

Did you know that there is a new offering for Middle School students?


All students in Middle School are invited to THIRD THURSDAY! Third Thursday meets in Ms. Gutzmer’s office on the second floor during Lunch. Students may bring their lunch, a buddy, and grab a good spot as we spend some time on what’s on their minds.

For example… Did you know that 2/3 of Villa 7th & 8th graders report that they feel stressed or anxious at times? Or that the second biggest concern reported by 7th & 8th graders is their self esteem? These are common concerns among many adolescents, but often there isn’t a safe place to talk about it. Third Thursday is a low-key, informal place to learn that students aren’t alone and make plans for getting support as needed.

The first Third Thursday will be October 16th!

Questions? Email Ms. Gutzmer or fill out a School Counselor Request Form!


Article Spotlight: When Anxiety Hits at School

10:50AM   October 7th, 2014

Anxiety is becoming more common in the school setting. The Atlantic takes a look at anxiety among students HERE.

When students at Villa struggle with anxiety, there are resources! Many students benefit from learning about their anxiety, creating a toolkit of ways to manage it, and mapping out a plan for getting extra support when needed. Students can connect with me, Ms. Gutzmer, in the School Counseling Center on the 2nd floor. If students need help making a connection with me, they can ask a parent or teacher for assistance.


Rude vs. Mean vs. Bullying

1:58PM   September 17th, 2014

Have you ever wondered about the difference between these words? There was a great post recently on HuffPost Parents about the distinction and importance of using the accurate word when describing dissatisfactory social interactions. You can check it out HERE; it’s well worth the read!

In the article Singe Whitson, who is a Child/Adolescent Therapist and works on bullying prevention, defines the difference for us clearly:

RUDE: Unintentional comments or actions that hurt someone else

MEAN: Intentional comments or actions that hurt someone once (maybe twice)

BULLYINGIntentional, aggressive comments or actions that occur over time that involves an imbalance of power

Ms. Whitson goes on to say:

“I have already begun to see that gratuitous references to bullying are creating a bit of a “little boy who cried wolf” phenomena. In other words, if kids and parents improperly classify rudeness and mean behavior as bullying — whether to simply make conversation or to bring attention to their short-term discomfort — we all run the risk of becoming so sick and tired of hearing the word that this actual life-and-death issue among young people loses its urgency as quickly as it rose to prominence.

It is important to distinguish between rude, mean and bullying so that teachers, school administrators, police, youth workers, parents and kids all know what to pay attention to and when to intervene.”


Thought-provoking and important!